Hello you lovely lot and welcome back to another instalment of the #MotherhoodMondays guest post series; a weekly feature for mothers to share their stories about their incredible journeys of motherhood in all kinds of forms. Don't forget to get in touch if you want out get involved, we're always looking for some more mamas to guest post for us. 

For this weeks feature we have the Laneic from My Name is not Mommy. I was so glad that Laneic got into contact to take part in the series and has provided a very interesting post all about the dangers of self care and one that was very intriguing to say the least. I love how she writes about the importance of self-care to help us avoid “survival mode” and experience life, giving us the ability to fully enjoy the good moments, and bravely take on and recover from the bad ones too. So with this I shall hand you over to Laneic...

Hello my name is Laneic Lavalle and I am a self-care and wellness coast for busy mommas at My Name is not Mommy and a blogger at Make It 218. After spending my first yea trying to do everything under the sun, I was forced to take a step back and start making self-care a priority. Now my mission is to help other mothers who are burned out, or well on their way to that point. To help these women make self-care a regular part of their lives, reconnecting with who the are separately from their children and help them to pursue happiness without guilt. 

The Dangers of Self-care. 

I’m a huge advocate for self-care… it’s kinda my thing. Not only because I know how absolutely awful it feels to be burned out and still trying to be a perfect mommy, but because as a teacher I’ve seen way too many mommies come drop their kids off or pick them up in auto pilot. Just utterly exhausted and even more exhausted knowing it’ll repeat.

I figured there had to be a better way of living. I’m positive that we’re designed to experience life to the fullest and I didn’t see how becoming a mother would change that. And in the end, I know my child would benefit from me not feeling so…defeated by the work of motherhood. So, began the journey of self-care and my overwhelming urge to take other moms along with me.

That all being said…. There is something that I’ve come to be wary of when it comes to self-care. A dangerous trap I suppose that’s all too easy to fall into.

That my friends, is using self-care as a form of distraction from life’s hardships.

Don’t get me wrong, distractions are sometimes needed. When something is overwhelming it’s often a good idea to take a step back to regroup and refocus.

However, self-care shouldn’t be used as a tool to avoid all things unpleasant. Don’t use self-care to hide. Quite the contrary, self-care should be used as a tool to help you better confront those hard times if used effectively and routinely, not high tail away from them.

If you find yourself opting to spend time staring at the sunset or avoiding someone for “me time” every time an unpleasant conversation is lurking in your future, you’re probably in truth, looking for a way to not have to deal with whatever the situation is. In the end that’s doing yourself a disservice. No amount of bubble baths will shield you from life’s curve balls.

So how can you make sure you’re not using self-care as a tool to hide behind? The best way by far, is to extend your idea of what self-care actually looks like. It’s not just spa days and mini runaway trips for moms. It’s a deep exploration of who you are and what you need, a constant journey of catering to the beautiful woman who’s taken on the title of mom.

When we limit self-care to superficial tasks only we allow for more opportunity to hide behind it. By thinking self-care is only pedicures and using sugar scrubs (which I LOVE btw) then it’s much easier to hide behind these things. After all, a sugar scrub can help you relax but it isn’t going to force you to come to terms with the fact that a relationship with a friend is sucking the life out of you. A bubble bath can help you ease into more restful sleep, but won’t necessarily bring to the light your negative self-talk. However, when you venture into other facets of self-care, like reflection, journaling, meditation, and prayer, you might come face-to-face with some of these issues. That’s a good thing, because once you identify it, you can take steps to tackle it. This is the courageous part of self-care, getting to know who you are.

It's important to get clear on what things we need to be adding in our self-care routine so we can be sure that we’re not just adding in tasks to hide behind, but things that truly help us be our authentic selves. Our self-care routine should help us avoid “survival mode” and experience life, giving us the ability to fully enjoy the good moments, and bravely take on and recover from the bad ones too.

Thank you very much for sharing you lovely post with us Laneic and taking part in #MotherhoodMondays and don't forget those of you who enjoyed Laneic's post to share, share and share so more. You can find Laneic over at My Name is Not Mommy and I'll link her social media links below.