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That Yellow Dress.

Today it dawned on me in less than four months you my little lady will start actual SCHOOL. It was only last month that I was waiting for an email confirming your school place, but I somehow didn't think much about it until now. It was that yellow dress, oh you love that yellow dress. But it was you in that yellow dress that I realised that it was happening, a time that I was dreading and time that didn't think would actually come so quickly, but it has and much sooner that I would have liked. You're a little girl. No longer my baby, no longer my toddler but my little girl and now you'll soon start school. BIG school. 

I know as I write this that I’m being completely and utterly daft. Starting school is the beginning of a new exciting stage in your life. But I can't help but think it's the end of an era with feelings of sadness and anxiety too. I don’t know why I am finding it so hard to let you go, but I have to say it’s probably one of the hardest things I have had to do. You have always been there. Always been following me being my little shadow to fill my days with cuddles and giggles, not forgetting a few tantrums along the way of course. You have always been there with snuggles under your favourite yellow blanket as we watched some of your favourite programmes or Rapunzel for the umpteenth time. 

It's the end of those afternoons of snuggles, playing, writing your numbers or baking sweet treats. Our weekdays will consist of getting you dressed into your uniform and actually out the door on time before waving and kissing you goodbye at the school gates. I can't help but feel a little sad. As I watch the clock tick by and eagerly await the three o clock pick up, I know it will be hard for me because it feels like it's the end of something special. For four years I have had you with me pretty much all day everyday and now I feel somehow a little lost, I guess I lost myself a little along the way in this part of our journey. And now I'm left wondering what I will actually do with myself while you're at school. Ever since you made your entrance into the world, we've been together, we've been together every waking moment from the second you were born. Holding you, guiding you, comforting you, playing with you, and even teaching you a thing or two. It's going to be a hard change. 

You have been a delight. You love hard. Your cuddles are the best and you can change my mood in an instant. Your kisses are sweet and caring. And when you get cross? I can’t help but laugh at your frown making us laugh so loudly together. You’re such a character. I love the person you have become, you literally are the best little person and I love knowing that some many people love you as much I do. And even at times where your tantrums go too far and you stamp your little feet we somehow muddle through it. I know you, and you know me like no other person does.

This change is going to be big for the both of us. I know you love Nursery and you’re doing so well, and I hope that you continue to excel when you go up to big school. You’ve been my life for the past nearly four years, obviously you still are my life, but it’s time for me to allow other people to have an influence in your life. And it’s something that I have to endure as I watch you grow and become the best person you can be. 

I'm going to miss you my girl. More than you will ever know. You've been my shadow these past four years. You love to dance, sing, run in a the room or hide in the cupboard waiting for me to freak out not being able to actually find you. Sometimes when I am washing up I will take a peek through the crack in the door and see you putting on a show for an empty couch. Or acting out your own version of Beauty and the Beast. The house will seem quiet without you around. It’s going take me some time to get use to. And I know that I’m not going to wish those days away.

As I am sat here thinking about I think that pinch inside is me I'm feeling a little regretful. I regret those days when I became a shouty mum, and as I put you in room for a time out and left muttering 'Can it be September already?'. I regret those moments more than ever. The late nights, the hours I would count down to bed time, the times where my patience had reached it's peak or I couldn't handle another episode of Topsy and Tim! Or the times where I have told you to wait because I am busy doing something that could have clearly be done later. I regret that I didn't make the most of every single moment we had together for the past four years.

But with only one term left with you I have decided that from now on the cleaning can wait, I’ll work when you sleep and I relish in every bit of you and your amazing personality. The smiles, the giggles, the tantrums, the grumps I want everything. I want to watch every show you put on for me, get down and play ponies or princesses. I want to lay on the sofa with your head on the chest watching your favourite films. It’s just about me and you now. As from September I will be alone, the rational me knows you’ll be fine and you’ll grow in some of the most amazing ways. But I’m a little worried I will be ever so lonely without you.

I’m now going to sneak into your room to cuddle and hold you just for a little while...

I love you little lady.
18 comments on "That Yellow Dress."
  1. This is such a beautiful post! She is so gorgeous and growing up into a lovely little lady! X

    1. Ah thank you beauty, that's so kind of you to say

  2. Oh this is such a sweet post! So beautifully written and such lovely photos too! xxxx

    1. Ah thank you, I wasn't too sure about the photos at first.

  3. Such a lovely post! Gorgeous photographs too :) x

  4. What a beautifully written post! Thanks so much for sharing it.

  5. this is such a sweet post, the move to school is always a huge step but its a step into a new world of learning and growing.. I am not ready for my youngest to move into preschool and I am not at all ready for my oldest who is slowly growing towards secondary school in a few short years.

    1. It's been an emotional one I can tell you, it's so weird that I have had her by my side for nearly four year and now she will be off into the big world world of school!

  6. Lovely post Kelly-Anne. It's such a bitter-sweet milestone and I remember our 8yo's first day at big school like it was yesterday. Happy memories! #kcacols

    1. Yes, bittersweet is definitely a way I would label it!

  7. Oh this really got me, my daughter will be started full time school in September too and I'm feeling just the same about wanting to cherish these last few months before everything changes. x #KCACOLS

    1. We can cry together on their first day then! Haha! It's going to be emotional. Oh, I'm teary already!!!!

  8. It's such an emtional time and goes so quickly! Thanks for linking up at #KCACOLS hope to see you again next week.

  9. It's scary how quickly they grow up! I was chatting today to someone about how I'll be applying for school places next year!!!! #KCACOLS

  10. What a lovely post! Hope she enjoys! Amy x We Love Family Edventures #KCACOLS

  11. This is so beautiful - I was tearing up reading it! x #KCACOLS


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