9 Rules Of Toddlerhood.

Being a parent is a complete whirlwind. At times it's hard, at times it's fun, but most of the time it's a complete conundrum. One minute you think that you have everything figured out and finally feel as if you have this whole parenting thing down, but then something is thrown into the mix to make life as a parent that much harder. Now if you are lucky enough to own a toddler, all these thoughts and feelings are kicked up a notch or five. Toddlerhood comes with its own rules and guidelines that all toddlers must abide by, as a mother of a toddler I have to say I have a good insight into their rules and so here are 9 rules of toddlerhood.

1. You must accompany your mum to the toilet at all times, even if she sneaks away for a cheeky toilet break. You must knock, knock and knock some more and if that doesn’t work you have to open the doors and sit there watching, or pleading that now you need to use the loo! Public toilets. A whole different story. You must ask questions about all the other people using the loo and make remarks about why they are there. Are they doing a poo? Oooh it’s stinky! Whilst trying to catch a glimpse of them under the cubicle! You must also ask you mum why she’s there too, don’t forget. Including why she has hair and you don’t and why does she needs a nappy!!!!!

2. If you throw a tantrum, at all costs do this at the best of your ability outside in public, better yet throw an epic performance just outside the school! This is best way to get bribes such a sweets, chocolate and your favourite programme at lunch time.

3. If there is a drop of rain outside, do not leave the house without demanding your wellies and your umbrella. Even if she assures you it won't keep raining, demand them. Sit on the step and cry as loud as you can until she finally gives in and finds your favourite Shimmer & Shine umbrella. Just don't forget to pop your umbrella up and down on the way, dragging your umbrella on the floor at times ensuring you do get completely soaked before nursery. Ps. make sure that you try and poke as many people as you can on the way too. 

4. If you are allowed the television on for any reason. Scream 'Topsy & Tim' as loud as you can repeatedly to ensure she puts it on straight away. This also works for Barbie, Peter Rabbit and Ben & Holly.

5. Don’t even both tidying up. That’s what she’s for. If she ever asks you to clear your toys away and threatens to chuck them in the bin (she won’t, she paid lots of money for those) continue to lay on the floor, crying and rolling about saying you can’t put them away unless she helps. Soon enough she will cave and put them all away for you. 

6. Remember you have a personality like no other and sometimes people just don't get it. Even if she threatens to take away your toys and your beloved dresses, be patient! She won’t. Father Christmas will also visit, you will be able to go to nanny house and go to soft play. So ride it out and be Miss Sassy Pants. 

7. If you're tired. To the point that you can’t keep your eyes open, you’re crying because you’re so tired and she gives you cuddles and give you a blanket. Whatever you do, don’t nap. Naps are for whimps.

8. Food. If it’s not drizzled with tomato sauce, then it’s not worth even trying. If there is even a hint of green, purple or orange in a meal, don't eat it. Because green, orange and purple are the colours of vegetables. Not even if she has been cooking since the morning and has told you everything is fresh and good for you. If she serves you your favourite and you have eaten it several times, this week, you will hate it. Consistency is for suckers. Keep in mind if it's on her plate, then you want it. Even if you have the exact same meal in front of you – it’s only edible if it’s off her plate. 

9. Home activities. When you become bored and no amount of bribes or television will help, whittle and whittle to have paints out. But wait for the perfect opportunity to go and do something else when she has laid down the messy mat to protect the carpet, put on a table cloth, squirted paint into small pots, stuck paper down and covered you an apron and tea towels. She should have been quicker with the preparation. 


  1. Ha ha! I recognise all of these, especially the tomato sauce and wellies ones!

  2. Hahahaha I love these! She is so beautiful and sassy!

  3. This post is hilarious!! But it’s even more funny that I’m 25 and still bug my mum like your toddler bugs you hahahahaha

  4. hahaha, the umbrella was us this weekend. Youngest seemed intent on taking people out with her umbrella!

  5. haha so funny, exactly like my 2 year old! :)

  6. Oh Alfie has done so many of these things! The terrible twos are the worst. He was demanding, throwing toys and having tantrums. It doesn’t matter where he is, if he didn’t get his own way, on the floor he would go haha. He loves Ben and Holly too! X

    1. I must admit terrible twos were too much for us, but the threenager years. Yep they are something.

  7. This was such an insightful post and giving a realistic view of toddlerhood xx

    Yasmina | The July Journal

  8. You will certainly have lots of fun finding out.