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What NOT to say to a Stay-at-home-mum!

A decision to stay at home with our daughter is not a decision that we made lightly. Before I was pregnant I told myself that I would have our baby and get back to work within nine months. However that changed when I actually gave birth to our daughter and fell completely head over heels in love with her. Like many we decided that it would be best for our family for me to stay at home and I honestly couldn't be happier.

That is, until someone makes a comment about our lifestyle. Whether they mean to or not but there are some statements and questions that most stay at home mums are asked that make me want to pull my hair out! Most assume that we decided that one of us would become a stay at home parent because of financial reasons and that we wouldn't have made that decision for any other reason, but we did. It was best for our family and more importantly it was best for our little girl. So when I get asked ridiculous questions about our lifestyle it actually infuriates me...

What do you do all day?

Seriously I am not even going to comment on that one because we would be here all day! 

I would love to not have to work; you are so lucky.

Oh yes of course, cleaning the endless messes and destruction that my child leaves behind them. The whining the fake crying, the tantrums - easy peasy. Don't even get me started on Peppa effing Pig on bloody repeat! While being a mum is an important job with lots of cuddles and kisses along the way, I am not too sure that any mother would say that its completely stress free. We are busy people!!!

You must have so much free time?

Are you actually kidding me? I can barely get myself dressed in the morning. We may be at home all day cleaning, cooking, taking littles ones to classes or the shopping but there really is NO free time for us mums! If I am being honest a task that should take about 15 minutes can take me much longer as my daughter loves to get involved. Maybe one day she will stop turning off the vacuum when I clean the stairs.

Does your husband mind you not working? 

These types of questions really irritate me because why would my husband mind? My husband and I have a very equal partnership and even though I am not in actual paid work he is so appreciative of all that I do for him as a stay at home mum. For us as a family it was best for one of us to become the stay at home parent, I definitely wouldn't change it for any job. But regardless it's a hard decision to either work or stay at home, but we should all be careful not to judge each other because of it.

When are you going back to work? I couldn't handle not working.

Whether you believe it or not being a mum is WORKING. Its a 24 hours a day, 365 days a week type of job. We clean, cook, deal with bills, teach the little ones, the list is endless. All without pay! So nope I am afraid I have my hands full with my two year old toddler.

You're just a Mum?

Like it is something to be ashamed of...I am anything but 'just a mum' I am a teacher, a doctor, chef, housekeeper, a fluff remover, pram pusher, I'll carry that...and a mum!!!

I would get so bored if I stayed at home all day?

My life as a stay at home mum is anything but boring. Every day is a new day as I  never really know what my little one will throw at me, sometimes literally! Some days I will help her create a masterpiece with play doh, bake cookies other days I could be being used as a climbing frame or jumped on to play 'horsey'. No matter what I am always busy. Believe me when I say that my life is anything but boring!

So us stay at home mums are not 'just mums' we have lots to do throughout our day which can increase with the help of having little ones in tow. Yes we are at home quite a bit but it doesn't mean we do nothing, have lots of  free time and are a lady of leisure... so if you meet a stay at home mum please whatever you do refrain from asking such questions. Being a parent is hard work whether you are in work or at home all day, we shouldn't make anyone feel less valued if they choose something that is different to you.
23 comments on "What NOT to say to a Stay-at-home-mum!"
  1. I work part time and my days at work are honestly like days off. Its so much harder spending days with my daughter, though I obviously prefer it! I have so much admiration for SAHM :) #MarvMondays

    Helen x

  2. YES, YES, YES!!! I have ranted about this many, many times! It can be so frustrating and I always say that being a stay-at-home mum is harder than when I used to work in a an office. It's a different type of work! :-) #Marvmondays

  3. I've been a sahm for 5 years so I can totally relate to this! x #MarvMondays

  4. Ooh some of these are so thoughtless. I can't believe people have said these things! I have been a SAHM for 8 months now and no-one has been anything other than supportive. Thankfully I have managed to avoid all the above comments, but they would have quite the response if they did say one of them!! #bigpinklink

  5. Really wish people would be less judgmental and respect other people's choices. Being a parent is hard whether you're in paid work or not, and these decisions are usually very tough ones. Luckily most other parents are supportive of each other, but there are always these exceptions who come out with these idiotic things. Thanks for this post. #KCACOLS

  6. Great blog! I get fed up of people thinking because I'm a stay at home mum I sit in my jimmies and watch Jeremy kyle all day long!!

  7. I've been a SAHM since having my second child (I now have 3) and some days I do dream of going back to work just so I can pee and drink a hot cup of tea in peace :) #KCACOLS

  8. I can defininely vouch for this! I thought it was non stop a few weeks ago, but since our little man arrived 5 weeks ago it has been literally non stop! Peppa Pig on repeat, the toddler wanting to help, lots of things I recognise in this post ;-) Emily #KCACOLS

  9. God this annoys me too! Why do people think it's okay to comment on other people's life styles?! Love this!! #KCACOLS

  10. YES!! I have definitely heard all of these. Someone once said they were jealous as really I'm just getting a super long holiday from work! Erm I do stuff all day long. If I've showered by lunchtime I'm lucky, everything takes 4 times longer now I have a toddler who likes to 'help' out. #MarvMondays

  11. I'm not a stay at home Mum, our financial situation could not lend itself to that but that's fine and I enjoy working. However, let me tell you now I have nothing but admiration for every single stay at home mum. Those ignorant people who say "what do you do all day" are just that, they're ignorant. It's hard bloody work, I can remember that when I was on maternity leave a couple of years ago!!! People are all too quick to cast aspersions and judge - bugger off I say and let people be!!! #bloggerclubuk

  12. I think I've been guilty of saying these in the past, especially "You're so lucky!". My partner and I are reversing roles soon - he will go out to work, I will become a stay at home mum. I think I've underestimated how hard it's going to be! #KCACOLS

  13. This was a great read. I'm still on maternity leave and undecided about returning to work. I thought I'd want to like you but I don't! Someone recently referred to me as a lady of leisure. They clearly don't have a clue! X #kcacols

  14. Oh I love this! Totally agree with you. Although now I work from home, I am also still a stay at home mum but people still don't understand it's hard bloody work, isn't it!

  15. I think something happens to people when you have children. Suddenly they think you're public property and seem to think saying wildly inappropriate and rude things is somehow ok. It's exactly the same if you work. Someone once told me I was 'destroying the family' by going to work and that my daughter 'wouldn't know' who I was. People, eh? Thanks for linking with #KCACOLS. We hope you come back next week.

  16. Those are some very dumb statements. "I wish we could afford that" for us it was more a matter of not being able to afford the childcare to go back to work.


  17. I can imagine getting those types of comments and questions would be quite annoying! I've just started my second mat leave, having worked full time between having our first daughter and I have to say I have never been more exhausted than I have in the last 6 weeks. Yes, we have a newborn, but its actually the toddler who is demanding and keeps me on my toes, so I can actually relate when you saying being a SAHM is a full time job because it is! Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

  18. There is never anything 'just' about being a stay at home mum... or a working from home mum or a working mum. It's hard work, whether you do it 24 hours round the clock, or cram it in after work. I think as you say, it has to be the right decision for your family and that's all that counts. Thank you for linking up to the #DreamTeam

  19. I have always given full credit to stay at home mums! I am about to start maternity leave in a week and honestly, whilst I am so excited about actually getting to spend time with Zach that isn't squished into a weekend, I'm like - crap - I have to feed him and entertain him all day! Yep, I may hate work but I do appreciate the quiet time, the tea and cakes! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

  20. YES to all of these! I get it all of the time and my friends were aghast when I walked away from my career to become a stay-at-home mum. Everyone seems to think that we just have hot coffee everyday. I never get to have hot coffee! #marvmondays

  21. Yes! Fantastic post. I have a 'second job' 3 days a week, with the other 2 week days spent at home. My old job is tough still, but the days at home can be unrelenting. People who think being at home with a toddler is easy need to find a friend / relation with a little person and offer to do a spot of all-day babysitting...

    I have nothing but respect for SAHMs. I chose to go back because I don't feel I have the enthusiasm or patience to keep my daughter sufficiently stimulated at work. It's far from boring - it requires so much energy!

    I feel similar frustrations being a part time work too. (Excuse the shameless sharing but here is my blog post / rant on it from a few months ago:

    Keep up the fab work. Mums and Dads are all doing a great job, whatever there 'working' set-up. We all need to judge a little less!! #MarvMondays

  22. Oh god, this would annoy me no end! I don't think people mean to be rude, but sometimes people just say stuff that puts your back up right?! Whatever choice you make will be wrong to someone - I get so many comments about returning to work full time that can be quite hurtful, but it's almost always from people who don't have kids or had to make a decision like returning to work or staying at home - neither option is easy!! #MarvMondays

  23. Totally agree with these! I've never really had anyone be negative towards me being a stay at home mum so I guess I'm lucky!


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