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What NOT to say to a Stay-at-home-mum!

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Hello everyone,

A decision to stay at home with our daughter is not a decision that we made lightly. Before I was pregnant I told myself that I would have our baby and get back to work within nine months. However that changed when I actually gave birth to our daughter and fell completely head over heels in love with her. Like many we decided that it would be best for our family for me to stay at home and I honestly couldn't be happier.



That is, until someone makes a comment about our lifestyle. Whether they mean to or not but there are some statements and questions that most stay at home mums are asked that make me want to pull my hair out! Most assume that we decided that one of us would become a stay at home parent because of financial reasons and that we wouldn't have made that decision for any other reason, but we did. It was best for our family and more importantly it was best for our little girl.
So when I get asked ridiculous questions about our lifestyle it actually infuriates me...

What do you do all day?

Seriously I am not even going to comment on that one because we would be here all day! 

I would love to not have to work; you are so lucky.

Oh yes of course, cleaning the endless messes and destruction that my child leaves behind them. The whining the fake crying, the tantrums - easy peasy. Don't even get me started on Peppa effing Pig on bloody repeat! While being a mum is an important job with lots of cuddles and kisses along the way, I am not too sure that any mother would say that its completely stress free. We are busy people!!!

You must have so much free time?

Are you actually kidding me? I can barely get myself dressed in the morning. We may be at home all day cleaning, cooking, taking littles ones to classes or the shopping but there really is NO free time for us mums! If I am being honest a task that should take about 15 minutes can take me much longer as my daughter loves to get involved. Maybe one day she will stop turning off the vacuum when I clean the stairs.

Does your husband mind you not working? 

These types of questions really irritate me because why would my husband mind? My husband and I have a very equal partnership and even though I am not in actual paid work he is so appreciative of all that I do for him as a stay at home mum. For us as a family it was best for one of us to become the stay at home parent, I definitely wouldn't change it for any job. But regardless it's a hard decision to either work or stay at home, but we should all be careful not to judge each other because of it.

When are you going back to work? I couldn't handle not working.

Whether you believe it or not being a mum is WORKING. Its a 24 hours a day, 365 days a week type of job. We clean, cook, deal with bills, teach the little ones, the list is endless. All without pay! So nope I am afraid I have my hands full with my two year old toddler.

You're just a Mum?

Like it is something to be ashamed of...I am anything but 'just a mum' I am a teacher, a doctor, chef, housekeeper, a fluff remover, pram pusher, I'll carry that...and a mum!!!

I would get so bored if I stayed at home all day?

My life as a stay at home mum is anything but boring. Every day is a new day as I  never really know what my little one will throw at me, sometimes literally! Some days I will help her create a masterpiece with play doh, bake cookies other days I could be being used as a climbing frame or jumped on to play 'horsey'. No matter what I am always busy. Believe me when I say that my life is anything but boring!

So us stay at home mums are not 'just mums' we have lots to do throughout our day which can increase with the help of having little ones in tow. Yes we are at home quite a bit but it doesn't mean we do nothing, have lots of  free time and are a lady of leisure... so if you meet a stay at home mum please whatever you do refrain from asking such questions. Being a parent is hard work whether you are in work or at home all day, we shouldn't make anyone feel less valued if they choose something that is different to you.


48 comments on "What NOT to say to a Stay-at-home-mum!"
  1. I work part time and my days at work are honestly like days off. Its so much harder spending days with my daughter, though I obviously prefer it! I have so much admiration for SAHM :) #MarvMondays

    Helen x

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  2. YES, YES, YES!!! I have ranted about this many, many times! It can be so frustrating and I always say that being a stay-at-home mum is harder than when I used to work in a an office. It's a different type of work! :-) #Marvmondays

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  3. I've been a sahm for 5 years so I can totally relate to this! x #MarvMondays

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  4. Being a mum is hard work, anyone who thinks otherwise is a numpty #fartglitter

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  5. THIS! OMG THIS. I hate being asked what I do all day... if I were to write them a list it would last till Christmas! And the "You're just a mum" ine is infurating! Such a relatable post. #FartGlitter

    Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk

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  6. Well said and I think it is pretty rude of some people (who may not even know you that well) to say these things to you. What a family decides is best for them is nobody's business but that family's. Thanks for linking with #bigpinklink

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  7. Ooh some of these are so thoughtless. I can't believe people have said these things! I have been a SAHM for 8 months now and no-one has been anything other than supportive. Thankfully I have managed to avoid all the above comments, but they would have quite the response if they did say one of them!! #bigpinklink

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  8. Really wish people would be less judgmental and respect other people's choices. Being a parent is hard whether you're in paid work or not, and these decisions are usually very tough ones. Luckily most other parents are supportive of each other, but there are always these exceptions who come out with these idiotic things. Thanks for this post. #KCACOLS

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  9. I think only SAHM get it! It is monotonous, tiring and unpaid. The unending demands and constant interuptions are hard work. #MarvMondays

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  10. Love this post. I've been a sahm for two years and fortunately I've never really experienced anyone being rude about. However, I get the impression that some of my friends (who are yet to become parents) think I live the life of riley at home all day whilst my husband works. I do disagree with it not being boring though - some days I'm bored stiff. Don't get me wrong there's always plenty of stuff to do but I don't necessarily find it that stimulating.

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

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  11. I work three days a week and have my daughter for the other two. It's anything but easy. She's at the age of wanting me to play alllll day so chores and jobs are even harder! I so admire SAHMs and would never say any of those things. It's a full time job xx #marvmondays

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    1. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst xx

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  12. Yes, yes, yes!!! I stay at home with my son and I absolutely HATE when people assume I'm doing nothing. What these people need to think about is this: while they're at work, they're paying someone to do what we are all day (daycare, babysitter, nanny, etc). Staying at home, while it is rewarding, is very hard work! #KCACOLS

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  13. Thank you! This post is bloody brilliant. I'm also a stay at home mummy and I had every intention of returning to work but unfortunately things don't work out. I get so upset at people who just assume you are at home watching tv all day and being lazy. Being a mother is one of the hardest but most rewarding things in life. Jobs come and go, the growing up of your children cannot be put on the back burner! Great post! #marvmondays

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  14. Great blog! I get fed up of people thinking because I'm a stay at home mum I sit in my jimmies and watch Jeremy kyle all day long!!
    http://forustolookbackon.blogspot.co.uk/

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  15. People are amazing aren't they! I currently work full time but we've already decided that when no 2 comes along I will become a sahm. I'm terrified and can't wait all at the same time. I look forward to the stupid comments!! #marvmondays

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  16. I've been a SAHM since having my second child (I now have 3) and some days I do dream of going back to work just so I can pee and drink a hot cup of tea in peace :) #KCACOLS

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  17. I can defininely vouch for this! I thought it was non stop a few weeks ago, but since our little man arrived 5 weeks ago it has been literally non stop! Peppa Pig on repeat, the toddler wanting to help, lots of things I recognise in this post ;-) Emily #KCACOLS

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  18. Good grief- yes those would wind me up spectacularly too. I have nothing but respect for SAHMs for me going to work was the easier options. Actual breaks to sit down and drink coffee and no one watching me pee? Yes please! Ignore the numpties and crack on with what works for your family xxx

    #fartglitter

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  19. Yep, I can imagine it drives you NUTS! People passing judgement because you have chosen to raise your child and not go back to work. I work part time and I actually think staying at home is the harder option, it's so tough being a mum and wife. Tor x #twinklytuesday

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  20. God this annoys me too! Why do people think it's okay to comment on other people's life styles?! Love this!! #KCACOLS

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  21. I found myself agreeing with you. Many days I feel like I am plate spinning. #MarvMondays

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  22. i was nodding along to these, I stayed at home until the twins were three so can appreciate how frustrating all of these are. The husband minding always made me laugh, he was all for it, it made sense for everyone. I was lucky as well, he really appreciated that it was not always easy xx #AnythingGoes

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  23. YES!! I have definitely heard all of these. Someone once said they were jealous as really I'm just getting a super long holiday from work! Erm I do stuff all day long. If I've showered by lunchtime I'm lucky, everything takes 4 times longer now I have a toddler who likes to 'help' out. #MarvMondays

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  24. I'm not a stay at home Mum, our financial situation could not lend itself to that but that's fine and I enjoy working. However, let me tell you now I have nothing but admiration for every single stay at home mum. Those ignorant people who say "what do you do all day" are just that, they're ignorant. It's hard bloody work, I can remember that when I was on maternity leave a couple of years ago!!! People are all too quick to cast aspersions and judge - bugger off I say and let people be!!! #bloggerclubuk

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  25. Oooh another blog to read - yay! I literally cannot express how much admiration I have for you & all the other Mummies that stay at home (seriously that needs a different title - it just doesnt do any of you justice!). I honestly couldn't do it, I need to go to work just to have a rest & a few hours to myself everyday because being at home with them all the time is so tough - And my work is running a Pre-school!!!

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  26. Fabulous! I totally agree with you. I actually work part time and so I get kind of the best (and also the tough bits) of both worlds. My "favourite" is when my colleagues or customers say "What you only work 2 days a week? Aren't you a lady of leisure?" or "How do you get away with that?" Hmmmf. Great post. #bestandworst x

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  27. I think I've been guilty of saying these in the past, especially "You're so lucky!". My partner and I are reversing roles soon - he will go out to work, I will become a stay at home mum. I think I've underestimated how hard it's going to be! #KCACOLS

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  28. It's very True and so hard when people treat you as some how second rate because you don't work outside the home. Being a SAHM can be such hard work, but it is also the most rewarding thing I've ever done and wouldn't change it for anything xx #bestandworst

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  29. It's very True and so hard when people treat you as some how second rate because you don't work outside the home. Being a SAHM can be such hard work, but it is also the most rewarding thing I've ever done and wouldn't change it for anything xx #bestandworst

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  30. This was a great read. I'm still on maternity leave and undecided about returning to work. I thought I'd want to like you but I don't! Someone recently referred to me as a lady of leisure. They clearly don't have a clue! X #kcacols

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  31. Oh I love this! Totally agree with you. Although now I work from home, I am also still a stay at home mum but people still don't understand it's hard bloody work, isn't it!
    #MarvMondays

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  32. I think something happens to people when you have children. Suddenly they think you're public property and seem to think saying wildly inappropriate and rude things is somehow ok. It's exactly the same if you work. Someone once told me I was 'destroying the family' by going to work and that my daughter 'wouldn't know' who I was. People, eh? Thanks for linking with #KCACOLS. We hope you come back next week.

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  33. Great post! I actually work from home and it's only for meetings and trainings that I travel into work. People seem to assume I don't work, which annoys me, because I can't get it done through the day and find myself up until all hours trying to catch up! I would never question a mother on staying at home. I have a few friends who are stay at home mums and they are fantastic - always busy! If your child is out at nursery all day and you are at work - there is less housework to do so I can certainly see that you will be so much busier through the day - I take my hat off to you. My youngest starts school in September and I'm going to be going out to work and uni through the day and I think it will be so much easier than what I've been doing for the last few years, lol. :) Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes Janet

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  34. Those are some very dumb statements. "I wish we could afford that" for us it was more a matter of not being able to afford the childcare to go back to work.

    #KCACOLS

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  35. I can imagine getting those types of comments and questions would be quite annoying! I've just started my second mat leave, having worked full time between having our first daughter and I have to say I have never been more exhausted than I have in the last 6 weeks. Yes, we have a newborn, but its actually the toddler who is demanding and keeps me on my toes, so I can actually relate when you saying being a SAHM is a full time job because it is! Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

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  36. There is never anything 'just' about being a stay at home mum... or a working from home mum or a working mum. It's hard work, whether you do it 24 hours round the clock, or cram it in after work. I think as you say, it has to be the right decision for your family and that's all that counts. Thank you for linking up to the #DreamTeam

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  37. I have always given full credit to stay at home mums! I am about to start maternity leave in a week and honestly, whilst I am so excited about actually getting to spend time with Zach that isn't squished into a weekend, I'm like - crap - I have to feed him and entertain him all day! Yep, I may hate work but I do appreciate the quiet time, the tea and cakes! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

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  38. Fab post. Although I'm not a SAHM, even after being on maternity leave twice I can say it's no easy job, nor a walk in the park like so many think!

    #marvmondays http://babiesandbeauty.com

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  39. YES to all of these! I get it all of the time and my friends were aghast when I walked away from my career to become a stay-at-home mum. Everyone seems to think that we just have hot coffee everyday. I never get to have hot coffee! #marvmondays

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  40. I hear ya, this is a massive bug bear of mine. I hate the comments and the sneaky snide judgments. Being a SAHM is the hardest jobs I have had bar none. It is so not all coffee mornings and play dates eh xx #marvmondays

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  41. Yes! Fantastic post. I have a 'second job' 3 days a week, with the other 2 week days spent at home. My old job is tough still, but the days at home can be unrelenting. People who think being at home with a toddler is easy need to find a friend / relation with a little person and offer to do a spot of all-day babysitting...

    I have nothing but respect for SAHMs. I chose to go back because I don't feel I have the enthusiasm or patience to keep my daughter sufficiently stimulated at work. It's far from boring - it requires so much energy!

    I feel similar frustrations being a part time work too. (Excuse the shameless sharing but here is my blog post / rant on it from a few months ago: http://www.lifemotherhoodandeverything.com/wpblog/ramblings/things-to-consider-if-you-work-with-a-part-timer/)

    Keep up the fab work. Mums and Dads are all doing a great job, whatever there 'working' set-up. We all need to judge a little less!! #MarvMondays

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  42. Bang on the money!! You're right. I've deleted my label of SAHD because it just doesn't justify exactly what I do. Full time parent, home educator, blogger, vlogger..... The list is endless. Plus we're hardly ever at home!! Stay at home parents are employed, by their children and family, I'd chose it over any job! #MarvMondays

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  43. Oh god, this would annoy me no end! I don't think people mean to be rude, but sometimes people just say stuff that puts your back up right?! Whatever choice you make will be wrong to someone - I get so many comments about returning to work full time that can be quite hurtful, but it's almost always from people who don't have kids or had to make a decision like returning to work or staying at home - neither option is easy!! #MarvMondays

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  44. When people made naive comments, I used to feel like role swopping with them for a day or 2. It is true that the only way we can truly understand what other people do, is by living in their shoes. They would quickly have seen that my life as a SAHM was far from easy. Alison x #MarvMondays

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  45. Ooh I completely agree with everything! I don't get too many comments now as I'm also homeschooling my daughter for a year - but just occasionally I have to remind people that being a full time mum is a full time job! #MarvMondays

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  46. I'm a working mummy and I have to put my hands up and say I'm one of those people that wishes they where a SAHM! Not because it's easy, it's harder to look after your little one than it is to work, but because I've always wanted to be the one to raise my child, I can't understand though what people thing SAHM do all day, drink tea and eat crumpets they clearly have no idea! X #MarvMondays

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  47. Totally agree with these! I've never really had anyone be negative towards me being a stay at home mum so I guess I'm lucky!
    #MarvMondays

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