Parenthood naturally changes our priorities. All energy and attention is focused on looking after the children and juggling jobs, housework and hobbies around that, leaving little room for romance. It’s normal to feel distanced from your partner after having kids, even as the experience unites you in new, unexpected ways.
If you’re struggling with feeling a loss of that ‘spark’, try these simple ways to reignite the flame. Short and sweet but with the potential to make a big difference, these activities are well worth integrating into your busy schedule.
1. Spend Time Together Without the Kids
I know, it’s easier said than done! But carving out even a few minutes and intentionally spending that time together can make a big difference in maintaining your connection. This could include shared coffee breaks when you’re both at home, eating meals together, or watching a favourite programme after dinner.
Consider trying the 2-2-2 rule, a popular relationship maintenance strategy, if time and money allows. This includes going on a date every two weeks, spending a weekend alone every two months and taking a long holiday together every two years. You don’t have to stick to it religiously, but it helps set up a rough framework that prioritises your relationship within the busy family dynamic.
2. Rediscover Your Shared History
What better way to stir up forgotten feelings than with a wander down memory lane? Revisiting times gone by and reminiscing about these together reminds you of what bonds you have apart from your children. Plus, it gives you a chance to reflect on how far you’ve both come.
You could even choose to repeat special moments, bringing the magic into the present day. For example, you could renew your vows in front of friends and family, invest in a new set of wedding rings, or revisit places you used to go to towards the start of the relationship, pre-kids. You could even take the little ones with you and make new family memories in the special spot.
3. Plan Creative, Cost-Effective Dates
Finding a babysitter and arranging transport puts pressure on date nights and can be costly. Getting creative and planning cost-effective dates with a difference will help you relax about the whole affair and concentrate on enjoying each other’s company.
You don’t necessarily need to travel far for date night. You could stroll around your local park with a takeaway coffee, arrange a mini-treasure hunt around the house, or plan a surprise picnic in the garden. Candle-lit dinners at home can be just as romantic as a restaurant experience. You can order food in or buy ready- to-cook options to keep things simple. It’s all about enjoying each other's company and spending quality time together.
4. Communicate Effectively
Most importantly, maintain open channels of communication at all times. It’s important that you can both say how you feel and be heard without judgment. Ask how your partner is doing regularly, making sure they know they can be honest. Choosing relaxed settings rather than rushed moments makes this easier.
If you know your partner is struggling emotionally, small gestures go a long way towards providing support and showing appreciation. Leaving notes on the fridge, making comforting hot drinks and taking on the childcare to give them some time out are all significant, yet simple, ways to show your love and reaffirm the fact you’re a team.
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