Hello you lovely lot and welcome back to another instalment of the #MotherhoodMondays guest post series; a weekly feature for mothers to share their stories about their incredible journeys of motherhood in all kinds of forms. Don't forget to get in touch if you want out get involved, we're always looking for some more mamas to guest post for us.
Feels like such a long time ago since we had a guest post for #MotherhoodMondays and for this weeks feature we have the oh so fabulous Rebecca from Rock and Roses Mama who kindly offered to write a post for us, namely 'Why I chose to rock up my rosy mama self and you should too'. This title immediately grabbed my attention and I couldn't wait to get stuck in reading this post, and it did not disappoint. I absolutely love Rebecca's blog and it's concept. The whole idea to offer advice and support for mamas who want to rock up their rosy mama selves. It's a great concept and one I am sure that many mamas will appreciate. So with this I shall hand you over to Rebecca...
Why I chose to rock up my rosy mama self and you should too
When I first heard about Kelly-Anne's series 'Motherhood Mondays' focusing on Motherhood in all its glory, I was inspired to write something about the reason I started blogging; my quest to inspire and empower Mamas to not lose themselves after childbirth; why you should, and how you can, 'Mama it up without losing you'.
It all began when I attended my first few 'Life with Baby' classes run by my local Health Visiting team; I quickly made connections with a few Mamas who seemed to have similar backgrounds and parenting styles to me. I was soon to find out that there was a huge problem emerging within the Motherhood community that I felt needed to be rectified. So I sought to inspire and help Mamas realise this; if only for their sanity!
As we sat down in a circle we were each asked what we missed most about our lives before having children; I answered completely honestly and said that I missed my social life. I had always been quite the social butterfly and although I was entirely aware that this is still possible after childbirth and I was determined to make it so, your social life undoubtedly shifts with a new born baby! I was immediately shot down by one of the very mothers who I believed I had so much in common with.
She confronted me with her personal experience of having 'lived her life' and that she was 'ready to have children' and give them all of her; she was a Mother now and she had said farewell to herself as her child was more important.
I was in shock. She made me feel like I was being selfish by wanting to spend time as ME.
I didn't rise to it at the time obviously but that experience stuck with me and I thought about it a lot and realised she was totally and utterly wrong. It is completely natural and entirely normal to want to retain a sense of self after you have your children.
You are the amazing and strong woman that brought your children into this crazy world and you are the ones they are going to look to as a role model; I don't know about you but I would far rather be an epic role model to my children by being totally myself and guiding them through how to be an individual, follow their passions and dreams instead of falling victim to just being 'Mom'.
If not also for your sanity.
If I accepted that after I had my little man I could never do the things I enjoyed before he came along then I would honestly go insane! That is no way to live! You don't live your life through your children, they live their life through yours and learn from you!
Yes I understand, as mentioned above, that there is an undoubted shift when you hold your child in your arms and have to fit a baby into the many facets of your personality and life; yes of course part of you changes and part of that personality becomes 'Mom'. But that doesn't mean the other parts are suddenly carpeted over, they are ever present just a little less bold!
It gets easier as your children grow as I was lucky enough to have an amazing support network of family and friends around me that were willing to babysit regularly and give me some time to myself and with my now husband (couple time is a whole other kettle of fish but equally as important to maintain!) Nurseries usually offer a babysitting service if you just ask!
I take the little man to festivals in the summer, I go to gigs around once a month and grab babysitter (music was one of my passions... can you tell! Also the Mr is the guitarist in a local band so I like to watch him rock out sometimes!). I was determined to return to work and started blogging as I loved writing (nap times are amazing for fitting in whatever you enjoy!), I meet up with friends for coffee or lunch, I take relaxing baths and read a chapter of my book here and there...
Manage your time and just make sure that you remember YOU!
Thank you very much for sharing you lovely post with us Rebecca and taking part in #MotherhoodMondays and don't forget those of you who enjoyed Rebecca's post to share, share and share some more. You can find Rachel over at Rock and Roses Mama and I'll link her social media links below.
It all began when I attended my first few 'Life with Baby' classes run by my local Health Visiting team; I quickly made connections with a few Mamas who seemed to have similar backgrounds and parenting styles to me. I was soon to find out that there was a huge problem emerging within the Motherhood community that I felt needed to be rectified. So I sought to inspire and help Mamas realise this; if only for their sanity!
As we sat down in a circle we were each asked what we missed most about our lives before having children; I answered completely honestly and said that I missed my social life. I had always been quite the social butterfly and although I was entirely aware that this is still possible after childbirth and I was determined to make it so, your social life undoubtedly shifts with a new born baby! I was immediately shot down by one of the very mothers who I believed I had so much in common with.
She confronted me with her personal experience of having 'lived her life' and that she was 'ready to have children' and give them all of her; she was a Mother now and she had said farewell to herself as her child was more important.
I was in shock. She made me feel like I was being selfish by wanting to spend time as ME.
I didn't rise to it at the time obviously but that experience stuck with me and I thought about it a lot and realised she was totally and utterly wrong. It is completely natural and entirely normal to want to retain a sense of self after you have your children.
You are the amazing and strong woman that brought your children into this crazy world and you are the ones they are going to look to as a role model; I don't know about you but I would far rather be an epic role model to my children by being totally myself and guiding them through how to be an individual, follow their passions and dreams instead of falling victim to just being 'Mom'.
If not also for your sanity.
If I accepted that after I had my little man I could never do the things I enjoyed before he came along then I would honestly go insane! That is no way to live! You don't live your life through your children, they live their life through yours and learn from you!
Yes I understand, as mentioned above, that there is an undoubted shift when you hold your child in your arms and have to fit a baby into the many facets of your personality and life; yes of course part of you changes and part of that personality becomes 'Mom'. But that doesn't mean the other parts are suddenly carpeted over, they are ever present just a little less bold!
It gets easier as your children grow as I was lucky enough to have an amazing support network of family and friends around me that were willing to babysit regularly and give me some time to myself and with my now husband (couple time is a whole other kettle of fish but equally as important to maintain!) Nurseries usually offer a babysitting service if you just ask!
I take the little man to festivals in the summer, I go to gigs around once a month and grab babysitter (music was one of my passions... can you tell! Also the Mr is the guitarist in a local band so I like to watch him rock out sometimes!). I was determined to return to work and started blogging as I loved writing (nap times are amazing for fitting in whatever you enjoy!), I meet up with friends for coffee or lunch, I take relaxing baths and read a chapter of my book here and there...
Manage your time and just make sure that you remember YOU!
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Thank you very much for sharing you lovely post with us Rebecca and taking part in #MotherhoodMondays and don't forget those of you who enjoyed Rebecca's post to share, share and share some more. You can find Rachel over at Rock and Roses Mama and I'll link her social media links below.
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